Ask McFartnuggets: “Will The Blue Man Group Ever Get Laid?”

Cross section of a Blue Man's
Dear McFartnuggets: 
When will the Blue Man Group ever get laid? I mean I’ve heard of having blue balls before, but these guys are ridiculous. You know your balls are blue when you look like the blueberry bitch from “Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory.” -- Noah from Charleston, South Carolina

Dear Noah:
Well according to most accounts, The Blue Man Group consists of very aloof, asexual beings who have a childlike sense of wonder about the world. It doesn’t seem that they’re interested in getting laid. Even if they were I doubt there are many women who want to lay and be plugged by some freak who looks like Steve Jobs after he robbed a bank and had a dye pack explode in his face. I’m no psychologist, but I bet that would be a traumatic experience especially with that weird ass percussion tube music playing in the background. You’d never be able to look at “The Smurfs” the same way ever again. Plus I bet when they orgasm brightly colored paint flies out. No one needs to see or experience that.

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