Dumbass Sayings: “Wage Garnishment”

When my credit card company called me the other day and said they would be “Garnishing my wages” I was confused. I said, “What type of garnish are you going to use? Parsley? Rosemary? Or will you make one of those tomato rose garnishes? Moolah doesn’t need garnishing. Why would you need to garnish my lettuce? When has cheddar ever needed a garnish?!” They said “No, sir, we’re not literally garnishing it like a food. We’re taking the money.” These people would make awful chefs because when it came time to plate the dishes they’d mysteriously vanish. Fine, take the money, but don’t say you’re “garnishing” it. Don’t tell me you’re going to adorn or decorate my money by taking it away. Just say “Hey we’re taking your money.” I can accept that. What I can’t accept is this crazy ass language full of olde tyme phrases that seems designed purposely to confuse people. Garnishing means to decorate food not rob someone.

If you're going to garnish my wages at least put one of those tiny umbrellas in it.

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