Dumbass Sayings: “Holy Guacamole!”

Sometimes when the old lady at work accidentally catches you touching yourself in the broom closet she yells “HOLY GUACAMOLE!” Holy guacamole? I didn’t know Jesus was such a fan of Mexican food, but he must be because people also say “Holy frijoles!” That must be why so many people in Mexico are called Jesus. These can’t be coincidences. Maybe that also explains why every time I eat Taco Bell I need to suffer on the toilet and I end up praying to every god out there repenting for my sins. The question I’d like answered is how come guacamole and frijoles are the only holy items of Mexican cuisine? Why not “Holy quesadillas!” or “Holy salsa verde!”? Those are just as valid of sayings. No one says those though, because THOSE sound stupid. Meanwhile saying “Holy guacamole” is considered fine because it rhymes. There is no connection here between religion and mashed avocados, lime, and spices. This is a saying that started as “Holy moley” (which doesn’t make any damn sense either) and was given a latin flair which makes even less sense. Unless you’re eating a burrito at church there’s no reason to be saying this, and if by some chance you are, make sure it’s actually a burrito and you’re not just in a dark confessional with a priest.

Don't you think god would have made it look a little less like hobo snot and syphilis?

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