Ask McFartnuggets: “Would You Rather Be Blind and Pee Your Pants Everyday or Be Deaf and Crap Your Pants Everyday?”

A little hard to admire art
with a pantload of crap.
Dear McFartnuggets: 
This is hypothetical question but if you were forced to choose between being blind and peeing your pants every day of your life or being deaf and pooping your pants every day of your life, which would you take? And no you can’t wear a diaper or know when it’s going to happen, you’d be peeing and crapping in your pants by accident every time. -- Deanna from Jacksonville, Florida

Dear Deanna: I don’t really think this question is respectful to people who are visually impaired, though they’ll never see this, or hearing impaired people or people who have incontinence issues. BUT, I do my best to answer all the questions asked to me so I will humor you. I think I would choose to be blind and peeing just because that’s how awful shitting your pants is. The only thing worse than shitting your pants is shitting your pants every day and the worst part of that would be knowing it was going to happen each day and having the torture of having to wait. That’d be like Chinese water torture except with shit. Most people agree that being deaf is better than being blind, but peeing your pants is way better than crapping your pants. You can pee yourself in the rain and no one even notices. When you crap your pants there’s no way to cover that up. Obviously both propositions are bad, but I think I’d rather be blind and peeing myself everyday. Peeing on yourself always feels good for the first few seconds anyway. Crapping your pants is bad news from the second it starts. The time that would eat out of your daily schedule every day and the price of new pants and underwear would quickly make that a horrible life. At least if you pee your pants you can just rinse everything off in water since pee is sterile.

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