|You know your turds are big when|
they can survive millions of years.
When you're trying to tell someone at the bus stop about how your cat has been constipated for a whole week sometimes people will say things like "I couldn't give two shits". You couldn't give TWO shits? This is a very interesting thing to say. So if you say you don't give two shits then that means you don't care, but you do care a little. Two shits are better than one. Still, it does mean you don't care. What exactly is the difference between increments of shits? For instance, if you said "I couldn't give 16 shits" that actually sounds like you might care a little. Sixteen shits a lot of dung. What if you gave a million shits? Surely that would mean you care. People should start talking like that. Instead of saying "I love you" just say "I five a billion shits about you".
So giving two shits should mean you care a little, but it doesn't. If you don't give two shits, just drop it down to one so you don't confuse people.