Ask McFartnuggets: "Why Don't Movie Theaters Have Headphones?"

Dealing with loud assholes is
part of the communal experience.
Dear McFartnuggets:
How come movie theaters don't have headphones at each seat to offer full personal audio? If that were available then no one would ever be annoyed by other moviegoers. If you wanted to talk you could just watch the film like usual and if you didn't want to be disturbed you could put the headphones on! -- Jissele from Orlando, Florida

Dear Jissele:
That seems like a good idea until you realize how filthy movie theaters can be. Not enough people fully understand the level of bacteria and bodily fluids that end up on their movie theater seat. The problem is that most movie theater workers are minimum wage paid teenagers and invalids so they don't really care about making the place totally clean. Could you imagine how dirty headphones would get? Who would want to put on greasy ass semen covered headphones? If you're not careful you could end up with hearing AIDS!

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