Ask McFartnuggets: “How Can I Teach My Son Not To Be Scared of Lightning?”

What's so scary
about that?
Dear McFartnuggets: 
My 7-year-old son has a crippling fear or lightning. Whenever there’s a storm he runs to me and starts bawling his eyes out. For the past few years I’ve been able to deal with it and I thought it was cute, but with more extreme summer weather events occurring as of late, this is becoming a big problem. How can I teach my son not to be scared of lightning? -- Betsy Sue from Portland, Maine

Dear Betsy Sue:
The key to getting children over their fears is to make up lies about them. Tell them lightning is harmless and make up a story for what it really is. Some parents like to tell their kids that thunder is the sound that comes from God going bowling. My parents told me that lightning was God having an orgasm. At the time I didn’t really understand what an orgasm was so they had to have that talk with me too and killed two birds with one stone. That was five years ago.

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