The Top 5 Animals You Don’t Want To Put Up Your Butt

I got a tramp stamp that says
Perhaps you’re familiar with the act of “Gerbiling” which is allowing a gerbil to burrow into your rectum. It’s not something I recommend doing. Gerbils have done nothing to deserve that. You should always look for alternatives to gerbils and that means getting creative. When getting creative it’s important to think of which animals you definitely do not ever want in your ass and here are the top 5:

5. Tarantula
Tarantulas are covered in fur fibers that are meant to irritate skin so you can imagine that’s not great to have in your ass. Plus, tarantulas aren’t that sturdy so there’s a good chance it might just break apart inside your anus.

That's its "Don't put me up your butt" face.

4. Spider monkey
A spider spider is not good in your ass so why would a spider monkey be? A spider monkey will rip your business up with it’s tiny yet strong hands. Don’t risk ending up with a new strain of virus that will spread to everyone in the world and exterminate humanity.

Spider monkeys are actually going extinct so you better just leave them be.

3. Pit bull
Pit bulls get a bad reputation for being very vicious and aggressive dogs. Well that’s true if you’re trying to gerbil with one. That’s no longer a stereotype at that point. You will experience the full wrath of a pit.

Good luck gerbiling with a pit bull.

2. Komodo dragon
It’s probably not a good idea to put any type of lizard up your ass, but it’s even worse to put one of the biggest lizards around up there. Komodo dragons have large amounts of bacteria on their tongues and that’s nothing you want in your culo.

It looks cute when it's sleeping and not up your ass.

And the number one worst type of animal to put up your ass for recreational purposes is…

1. Mantis shrimp
The Mantis shrimp is affectionately known as the “Thumb splitter” because its claw strikes can cause serious injuries if they’re mishandled. They can strike at a speed of 23 meters per second, as fast as a bullet. It’s like a lobster on crack and that is definitely not something you want in your crack.

Yes, this is officially the world's worst dildo.

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