Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Does My Dog Hate When I Bark at Him?”

Basically, don't do
anything dogs do.
Dear McFartnuggets: 

Sometimes for fun when I’m bored I like to bark at my dog. I don’t think he likes it though, he always looks confused and runs away from me. How come is that? Why does this happen to me? -- Marilou from Baltimore, Maryland

Dear Marilou:
Dogs don’t like it when people bark at them. Dogs are very silly when it comes to things like that. They love barking at people and humping people’s legs, but they hate when people do those things to them. In a way I suppose that makes dogs hypocrites. Also you have to realize that your barking probably isn’t fluent dog. When a dog hears a person barking it’s like hearing someone from another country speaking your language with an accent. There’s something moderately disturbing about it and since they’re dogs they overreact about everything so they’re not going to like it. The best thing to do is just avoid all dog behaviors if you’re a human. Don’t bark at dogs, don’t hump their legs, and for god sake don’t sniff their buttholes when you meet a new dog. Their owner will be very upset with you and may even call the cops.

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