Ask McFartnuggets: “My Grandpa Likes To Walk Around Naked?”

Grandpa - Pants = Awkward
Dear McFartnuggets: 
Ever since our 90-year-old grandpa moved into our house he’s been walking around completely naked. Whenever we try to put him in clothes he just takes them off and there’s nothing we can do about it! It’s really embarrassing when I have company over because we try to keep him in his room, but the bastard always manages to break out and walks past my friends with his wrinkly balls dangling while we’re enjoing some snacks. This is a serious problem and it’s causing me to become socially alienated from my group of friends. What can I do about this? Help me! -- Debbie from Baltimore, Maryland

Dear Debbie:
Once a person reaches 90 they pretty much have the right to do whatever they want and that includes walking around naked. I don’t see why it’s a big deal. When you’re that old you don’t even have genitals anymore it’s just like fossilized relics of a bygone era. If anything his balls are like looking at a museum exhibit. And why would you even look? I don’t see the problem. If your grandpa walked in naked while I was eating French toast I would just keep my eyes above the beltline and thank him for all he’s done for this country and congratulate him on living so long. Maybe that’s what you should be doing. These are likely his last years so let him enjoy himself. If your friends don’t like it, get new friends that can appreciate or at least ignore a 90-year-old man’s nude body.

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