|"Sorry kids, I'm late for work."|
Sometimes a random stranger will ask you for help on the street when you’re running late to work or on the way to an important meeting and you don’t have time to help them. You’d like to help them, but sometimes it’s just not possible. When this happens it’s very easy to look like a rude anus by just walking past them without making eye contact. Fortunately, there are some fairly easy ways to do the same rejection except much gentler. Here are the top 5 best polite ways to not help a stranger on the street.
5. Act like you’re jogging.
No one asks a jogger for help. Their physical fitness trumps all other issues at any given moment. When you’re in a hurry and some idiot is asking you for directions just pretend you’re listening to an iPod and start sprinting.
|If you're lucky someone out jogging will run by you and you can chase after them to give the illusion you have a running buddy.|
4. Say “No speakah!”
When you pretend you’re foreign, most people won’t bother asking you for help. Foreign people have a hard enough time as it is trying to figure out where they are so they’re in no position to be assisting anyone.
|Just start speaking gibberish in a foreign language and look confused.|
3. Say “My wife is in the hospital!”
If you have a wife you might not want to use this for fear of jinxing her, otherwise go for it. No one’s going to question why a guy whose wife is in a serious medical emergency is running away from people asking to take their picture.
|Being there for your wife is more important than helping a Dutch person find a Starbucks.|
2. Pretend to be deaf.
Pretending to be deaf is a great way to avoid helping people. Just shake your head, point to your ear and mouth the words “I can’t hear you.” Just hope to god a truck driver doesn’t honk their horn and scare you while you’re still within sight of the people. That’s gonna make you look like a huge ass.
|This can be construed as offensive so just make a few quick hand gestures and point to your ear. That should suffice without being too insulting.|
And the number one best way to politely not help people is...
1. Pretend to be blind.
This is much easier to do when you’re wearing sunglasses, but if you’re not just pick a point in the distance to stare at and don’t look away from it. That’s how Al Pacino pretended to be blind in “Scent of a Woman” and that was pretty convincing. When people think you’re blind you can actually try to help and usually they’ll stop you which lets you walk away feeling good about yourself all while not helping anyone.
|Fortunately there are cures for blindness so you can easily regain your sight later without breaking character.|