Dumbass Sayings: "Keep an Eye Out"

Sometimes when a neighbor loses their son or daughter they come knocking on your door and ask you to "Keep an eye out" for their child. Okay look, I want to help find your child almost as much as you do, but I am Damn sure not going to gouge my eyeballs out to do it.I'm going to keep both my eyes in, if you don't mind. Frankly, I think I have a much better shot at finding your son if my eyeballs aren't severed from their optic nerve. I need my eyes intact and in my skull to help find your kids. That means keeping two eyes IN. Maybe you feel like I should understand the pain you're going through, but mutilating my eyes is not the way to go about it. I’m not sure you’re even taking this as seriously as you should. People usually say “Keep an eye out” when they’ve lost their keys or phone not their children you crazy dingbat!

HERE! Happy now?!

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