Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Do People Use Shampoo with Protein?”

Always wear a shower cap
to practice safe hairwashing.
Dear McFartnuggets: 
My friends keep raving about shampoo with protein. They say it helps make their hair stronger and more shimmering. Don’t these people realize they’re washing their hair with semen? Most of semen is made up of protein and when you put protein in shampoo, the shampoo is basically semen without sperm in it. How do we even know where these shampoo companies are getting their protein from? People are basically jacking off bulls onto their own heads every day and they’re okay with this? I don’t get it. -- Pauline from Cambridge, Massachusetts

Dear Pauline:
Human hair is primarily made up of protein so while it might seem weird to wash your hair with jizzpoo, it’s really just like washing your hair with liquid hair. Since hair is mostly protein, our heads are basically covered in protein 24 hours a day. If you want to view washing your hair with protein shampoo as putting bull cum on your head then you have to realize you’re basically walking around with nutsauce on your head and body all the time in the form of hair.

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