Ask McFartnuggets: "How Do I Breastfeed Vigintuplets?"

Dear McFartnuggets: I'm seven months prego with vigintuplets that's twenty babies in one load. I've been gradually hyping myself up for the challenge and I think I'm ready to raise twenty children simultaneously. The one thing I'm not 100% comfy with is the idea of breastfeeding them. The last time I checked I only had 2 boobs not 40 which would make things a lot easier. I don't want to feed my babies that poison autism juice they call "formula." What do you suggest I do? -- Norma Rae from Austin, Texas

Dear Norma Rae:
Well you definitely don't want 40 breasts. Even if that could make breastfeeding easier, you would be seen as a freak. I don't think there's even a way you could get into porn like that considering there's no way having 40 tits can look good. There's just not enough space on the average human body to make that look okay. Fine so you don't want to feed the babies formula, the only other alternative I can see is to get family involved. Invite your sisters, cousins, mother over and have them start breastfeeding those suckers. There are ways to stimulate lactation even if someone isn't pregnant. It's actually possible for men to breastfeed babies so I would also look into that. Why is it okay for a woman to breastfeed a baby and not a man? It's the same exact thing! As long as you're drinking from a loving parent or aunt, uncle, grandparent, next door neighbor, etc. That's all that matters. Good luck Norma Rae!

Any loser can breastfeed one baby. Once you get into the double digits it requires some serious skill.

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