Dumbass Sayings: “I’m Old Enough to Be Your Mother”

Sometimes when you’re hitting on middle aged women at TGIFriday’s one of them will say “I’m old enough to be your mother.” I don’t know how this ever became a popular phrase. This doesn’t make sense because the world record for youngest birth belongs to Lina Medina of Peru. In 1939 she gave birth to a baby when she was 5-years-old. Not exactly a world record you can be proud of or want to see broken, but the fact remains, pregnancy is still hypothetically possible after only five years. So when a woman is saying “I’m old enough to be your mother” she’s proposing a hypothetical and hypothetically just being five years older than someone could make them old enough to be your mother. That makes this saying basically useless. Any woman five years older than you could be your mother and a five year gap isn’t really that difficult to deal with in a relationship. It’s almost a non-factor. If someone says “I’m old enough to be your father” then that’s a little more understandable because the male body doesn’t produce sperm until around 13 years in with 11 years being the earliest. Once you pass into ten years you’re getting into a bit of an age gap. Don’t blame me, blame the Guinness Book of World Records for encouraging these sick bastards.

When a woman uses this line you know she's scraping the bottom of the barrel of excuses for why you can't bang.