Dumbass Sayings: “Thick As Thieves”

When people talk about how close you and your stepsister were growing up they say “You were thick as thieves.” This doesn’t really make sense. Thieves aren’t very thick at all. When was the last time you saw an obese thief? It’s really in a criminal’s best interest to be as healthy and in shape as possible. You never know when you’ll have to fit through a window or a tight space to rob a joint or carjack someone then jump out of the car and run into the woods, climb over fences, and then hide for months in the wilderness subsisting entirely on indigenous berries and tree bark. That’s a lot easier to do when you’re skinny as opposed to thick. The larger you are the harder it is to be sneaky and stealthy which are key attributes to being a successful thief. Stop saying things that don’t make sense.

Thieves are a lot like magicians, you don't see too many obese ones.