The Top 5 Worst Animals To Use For Gerbiling

I’m sure everyone is familiar with the act of inserting a gerbil (preferably living) into one’s anus to produce a unique, invigorating sensation. I can’t say I’m an expert at this, but I do know it’s called gerbiling for a reason. There are just certain animals you never want to use as substitutes for a gerbil and here are the top 5 worst:

5. Lobster
Not only is a lobster a horrible animal to stick up your ass, this will definitely get you kicked out of the restaurant and possibly banned for life (which may not be long if you keep putting lobsters in your ass).

If you absolutely have to, go tail first.

4. Porcupine
Porcupines are just ergonomically not meant for anal insertion. Nothing about them says “Put me in your butt.” Not even the most insane acupuncturist would recommend this.

Dogs can always sense a bad idea.

3. Shark
Letting a shark into your butt might seem like a good idea at first, but then reality sets in and you realize you’ve made one of the biggest mistakes of your life, 2nd biggest if you count your estranged son.

I think you're gonna need a bigger... health insurance plan.

2. Piranha
Why is putting a piranha up your ass worse than a shark? Because piranhas are straight up vicious. Basically all they do is swim around chomping. A shark will at least sniff around for a minute before it gets to biting. Piranhas offer no such luxury.

Have you ever seen piranhas feeding? It's like Satan's jacuzzi.

And the number one animal to never gerbil with is...

1. Honey badger
They say “Honey badgers don’t care” but when you’re trying to put one into your butthole honey badger most definitely DOES care. You’re going to want to keep honey badgers away from your anus at all costs unless you want your craphole to be turned into a sheer disaster zone.

The thing eats beehives and you think your asshole stands a chance?

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