The Top 5 Things To Remember When Going Out Drinking

When you’re going out drinking it’s critically important to remember a few key things. The difficulty is that the more you drink, the more need to remember and the more you drink the harder it is to remember things. You’re going to forget a lot of things, but here are the top 5 things to remember when you go out drinking:

5. Eat BEFORE you start drinking.

Think of your stomach as a house before a party. You need to have food there BEFORE the people (alcohol) arrives otherwise your guests will start to get angry and leave (you will vomit).

You might not want to load up specifically on ricotta cheese like these folks, but make sure to have something in your stomach.

4. Hydrate frequently.

Perhaps one of the most important health based thing to remember when drinking is to stay hydrated. Alcohol sucks the moisture out of your body so you should always have a big jug of water to drink from as you take shots. You might look weird and people might laugh at you, but at the end of the night you’ll be alive.

Taking along a Camelbak portable hydration system can be a lifesaver.

3. Public urination is usually a misdemeanor, but indecent exposure can be a felony.

It’s always important to remember this because it’s a bit of a confusing set of laws. Simply urinating in public is usually treated as a misdemeanor in most states, yet showing your penis and/or vagina can be a felony (usually a penis). That means it’s crucial to always hide your genitals if you must pee in public. I like to take the water jug that I’ve used to hydrate with and put that into my pants to pee into covertly. Obviously people know what you’re doing, but legally no one can stop you because peeing in your pants isn’t illegal.

Please note: peeing on people's property can carry with it additional charges.

2. Your car does not have submersible capability.

A lot of times when you’re too drunk and you’re driving on a bridge over a river you get the fantasy of pushing a button and turning your car into a submarine. What often times happens is your car will hit the water, sink, and you will realize you’re just pushing the cigarette lighter and you drown to death. Every car can technically be submersed, but there are very few submersible cars capable of sustaining a human life inside them while submersed.

The key is to realize you're not in a James Bond Lotus Esprit before the front bumper hits the water.

And the number one thing to remember when you’re drinking is...

1. If you’re really hungry and you see what looks like a Denver omelette on the street, DON’T EAT IT.

When you’re out on a late Saturday night you’re bound to come across a few big puddles that look like raisin oatmeal or denver omelettes and it’s important to never eat these. Usually it’s the vomit of other people who have been drinking because they forgot to eat beforehand and haven’t been hydrating properly. Keep that water jug with you! And remember to throw it out after you’ve peed into it otherwise you could get confused and take a swig of piss while you’re drowning in your car.

When you're drunk, human vomit can look rather appetizing. Just another reason to eat before you go out.