The Top 5 Kinds of People That Are Never Homeless

The thing about being homeless is if you’re a certain type of person it’s literally never going to happen to you. Well, it might happen, but it certainly won’t last very long if you’re one of these kinds of people:

5. Inuits

The great thing about being an Inuit is you can never be homeless. If you ever are, you just build yourself an igloo and voila, you’re no longer homeless. If only it were that easy for people in non-arctic living environments.

Look at that fur. You think a hobo can afford that?

4. Dwarfs

When was the last time you saw a homeless dwarf? Now I know they’re smaller so there’s a chance they were there and you just missed them, but generally speaking it is very rare for any adult below 3 feet tall to be homeless. You simply do not see it. Is it magic? We don’t know. What I do know is it’s a serious benefit to being a severely short individual.

Homeless and adorable never mix.

3. Giants

On the flip side of human height, you never see homeless giants either. You definitely would remember seeing that too. They would be kinda hard to miss. Why is this? Perhaps there are homeless giants, but it’s only a matter of time before Billy Crystal or some Romanian circus takes them away and gives them a home. (A likely possibility for homeless dwarfs as well).

Even if there was a homeless giant, police would force them off the streets because they'd be impeding foot traffic.

2. Attractive women

It’s a well known fact that you never see homeless attractive women. Now this is a little controversial because perhaps there are homeless attractive women out there, but without proper hair care, makeup, clothing, and dental care they become unattractive to the naked eye. Well, at that point they’re not attractive anymore anyway so regardless, you never see hot homeless chicks. I think we all know why that is. It’s the female version of if Rambo was homeless. Obviously Rambo would just join the military and have a great career doing what he did best. For hot women it’s the same thing except instead of the military, it’s the sex industry.

A beautiful woman will always have a home somewhere, even if they're mentally ill. That's the type of people men are.

And the number one type of person you never see homeless is...

1. Morbidly obese people

You just don’t see morbidly obese homeless people. This is just not going to happen ever. It’s the one really bright side to being morbidly obese and simultaneously a bright side of being broke. If you’re morbidly obese there are very few scenarios that will lead to you becoming homeless overnight. Usually it’s a process where you gradually lose money and subsequently bodyfat. If by some chance you are homeless as a morbidly obese person it won’t be too long before you start shedding the pounds. It’s one of those rare lose/win/lose situations. There is a win in there though so that’s something to appreciate.

I believe this is called the Morbidly Obese Hobo Paradox.