Ask McFartnuggets: “What Are Bugs Doing When They’re Just Sitting on a Wall?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 

Yo why is it sometimes I’ll be just chilling on the sofa smoking some reefer when I see a caterpillar on the wall and it’s sitting there? I’ll be staring at that sucka waiting for it to do something for what seems like twelve eternities and this bastard won’t move a single millimeter. I’m wondering what the fuck is going on here. Doesn’t this guy have plans or something? How are you just going to sit stuck to a wall in the same place for hours on end? Like what are you even doing, bro? Don’t you have a family or something to go home to? It’s a wall, it’s not that interesting. What kind of life is that? -- Nolan from Richmond, Virginia

Dear Nolan:

Hey man the caterpillar is just chilling. Being stuck to a wall seems like a difficult task to humans, but to an insect it’s not a big deal. They can stay stuck to a wall for a week if they want. The other thing is, when you came back to the wall the next day I bet the caterpillar wasn’t there anymore. It’s very possible that these bugs only freeze when they know we’re watching. It could be an evolutionary tactic to stay still to avoid detection. They think they’re on a tree or something they don’t realize they’re on a white wall and obvious. When you stop looking, that’s when they start moving. It’s kind of like the toys in “Toy Story” except they’re bugs. Also, smoking “reefer” probably isn’t helping your judgment of time. It’s very possible you were only watching the bug for a couple of minutes and that just seemed like infinity.

Bugs stare at a wall all day, we stare at a computer, it's not that different.

Send your questions to PizzaTesticles@yahoo.com