Ask McFartnuggets: “Is it Okay to Run Someone Over in a Dodge?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 

I drive a 2013 Dodge Durango and I’m currently being charged for vehicular manslaughter, but the way I sees it, I should be able to run people over if they don’t get out of my way! My car says “Dodge” on the front. It’s not like they aren’t being given a warning. Come on, do I have a case here? -- Edwina from Paris, Texas

Dear Edwina:

That’s not really how it works, unfortunately. You could have a giant sign on your front bumper that says “GET OUT OF MY WAY!” and that still doesn’t give you the right to destroy people’s bodies with your car. Plus, it merely says “Dodge” on your car and on a Durango it’s actually pretty small. They probably don’t see the “Dodge” until it’s too late and even then it’s the make of the car so sometimes people don’t immediately process that as a warning. Even if you do take it as a warning, depending on how fast the car is traveling, the human brain can’t really react fast enough to follow the advice of the car manufacturer so they can’t truly be blamed for being hit. In nearly all cases it’s the driver’s fault for running someone over, it’s just a matter of to what degree they were culpable. Thank you for the question!

Don't forget to have an "I warned you, asshole!" bumper sticker for them to see when you speed away.

I’m still accepting questions to PizzaTesticles@yahoo.com