Dumbass Sayings: “Feels Like”

I’m getting a little tired of weather forecasters on the news saying things like “It’s 5 degrees out there, but with wind chill it FEELS LIKE -30!” Not if you’re on Ecstasy! Not if you’re an Inuit fresh from Alaska wearing freshly cut whale blubber… What a temperature “feels like” is completely dependent on what you’re wearing. So the big question is, what are these people wearing when they decide what a temperature “feels like”? They never tell us. Obviously if you’re bare ass naked in 5 degrees it’s going to “feel like” -100. If you’ve got a winter jacket on and gloves plus a skimask then it actually feels more like 50 or something because the clothes are protecting your body from the cold. If you were really subjected to 5 degrees you’d be dead. If you were really feeling that then you would die of hypothermia relatively quick. So obviously clothing is a huge factor as well as your own body and how used to the cold you are. If temperature is to be subjective then the news can’t go around telling you what it feels like. That’s like a restaurant rating their food’s deliciousness on the menu. It’s not really their place to tell you what shit is going to “feel like.” It’s an assumption and assumptions make an ass out of you and the gumption you have to make generalizations about how individuals will experience something subjective. Unless temperature isn’t subjective in which case, simply report the temperature and leave it at that. If there are 25 mph winds on a below freezing day then people will just have to assume that’s going to make it “feel” a lot colder. You don’t need to quantify that effect, just the same way you don’t report wind chill in Summer. Sure it might be 100 degrees but when a cool breeze comes by it feels like 75 for a second or two. Of course THAT’S not worth reporting because it “feels” good. You can’t pick and choose what to subjectively report, that’s not the news. Weatherpeople are more full of shit than Joey Chestnut on July 5th .

What "feels like" freezing to you is topless weather for this elderly Inuit lady.

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