Ask McFartnuggets: “Is It Normal For Your Wife To Crap During Childbirth?”

Giving birth is just pooping
one big crying turd.
Dear McFartnuggets: 
My wife gave birth a few weeks ago to a beautiful baby boy. I was just rewatching the video of the childbirth and as much as I want to look back on that moment with joy and pride it’s difficult because my wife shat herself during the birth. I guess she was pushing too hard and crapped A LOT literally a couple of seconds before our son came out. It was so close in time together that the turd may as well have been his twin, not identical thank god. I can’t help but regret that I recorded this video now. How weird is this? Is it normal for your wife to crap during childbirth? -- Dean from St. Louis

Dear Dean:
Of course it’s totally normal. It’s the dirty little secret no one tells you about childbirth. That’s basically the tradeoff for having a kid. Yes you will have a clone replica of yourself to carry on after you die, but in exchange you will have to shit yourself in front of a doctor and a bunch of other nurses. With all the food pregnant women eat combined with the pressure of pushing as hard as you can to get a ten pound human out of your vagina, crapping yourself is almost inevitable. People choose to focus more on the baby than the poop and that’s how they get over it. I can understand how you might be traumatized by it, but it’s just one of those things in life that is amazingly disgusting yet we all accept it as normal. Congrats on the baby.

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