5.17.2014

Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Are People Afraid of Godzilla?”

Godzilla's cousin had short arms,
but he was scary too.
 
Dear McFartnuggets: I don’t get this whole idea of Godzilla being so scary. Yes it is a giant monster who destroys buildings, but its arms are so short it could never reach down and actually grab you to eat you. What does Godzilla even eat? It can’t be eating people because it can’t grab them. If Godzilla had longer arms then I could understand being afraid, but if Godzilla were real you could just hang out in a basement and be perfectly fine. -- Gina from Dallas, Texas


Dear Gina:
Yes you’re right about Godzilla not being able to reach people on the ground, but there are other reasons to fear him. He can cause flooding which would kill you in a basement. Godzilla actually doesn’t eat food he uses nuclear energy for power. He also has radiation breath which can cause massive destruction as well as sickness. Even if you weren’t killed by his immediate path of destruction there would be lingering effects leading to various cancers and birth defects. Godzilla basically represents radiation and there aren’t many things more frightening than that.

Ask your questions to PizzaTesticles@yahoo.com and I’ll answer them here soon.

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