|You have to know when|
and where to fart.
Farting is one of life’s great pleasures. Laughter and smiling always get the reputation of being good for your health, but farting is even better. Not only does farting help your body get rid of noxious gas, it also leads to laughter and smiling as long as you haven’t been eating too much red meat or are really close to having to take a shit. Even if those last two things are true, there are certain places you can fart and not have it ruin your personal life or career. Here are the top five best places you can fart:
5. Demolition derby
It’s so noisy no one’s going to hear it and even if they do, it’s a demolition derby. Do you really think these people care? They’re farting too.
|When the airbags are out not too many people are worried about farting.|
4. Rock concert
Just to be very clear I said rock concert NOT classical music concert. People will usually notice at a symphony orchestra performance unless they have a tuba.
|Unless you've been eating an obscene amount of fiber, no one's going to know it was you.|
3. Grandma’s house
Grandma’s house has all the factors that make farting okay. It already smells funny and she’s losing her hearing. Put those together and it’s perfectly okay to start letting them rip.
|She's farting right now! She don't give a damn.|
2. Sulfur mine
Farting in a sulfur mine is like crying when it’s raining out. It’s the perfect cover.
|This rock candy tastes like ass!|
And the number one best place to fart is…
Normally when you fart in a body of water like a pool or bathtub you’ll see the bubbles rise to the top and everyone will laugh and point at you. Fortunately in a jacuzzi, there are bubbles rising and tumbling constantly so it’s basically like there are hundreds of dwarfs underwater farting viciously. Your fart will go entirely unnoticed and even if someone smells it you can say “Swamp gas” and everyone will laugh.
|Remember, getting into a Jacuzzi is like stepping into a cup of human tea.|