Ask McFartnuggets: “What Would Happen If I Sat On Old Faithful During An Eruption?”

Don't put your
ass on that.
Dear McFartnuggets: 
What would happen if I sat on Old Faithful during an eruption? -- Olivia from Wyoming

Dear Olivia:
Don’t even think about it! Even though it has been called “Nature’s Bidet”, Old Faithful is very powerful cone geyser that would injure you severely. It can shoot anywhere between 3,700 and 8,400 gallons of water in about 5 minutes with the average height of an eruption being 145 feet. The water turns to steam when it erupts because it’s at a temperature of around 244 degrees fahrenheit. Boiling water is 212 degrees. Sitting with your naked ass on top of the geyser would severely burn your anus. The jet of water would be so powerful it might reach all the way to your intestines. Not to mention you’d likely be send springing upward several feet all with second degree burns on your rectum and genitals. I would not recommend this AT ALL! Please do not tempt fate.

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