Ask McFartnuggets: “Is It Okay To Kill Spiders?”

Most spiders would kill your
ass in a heartbeat if they got
the chance.
Dear McFartnuggets: 
I killed a spider in my room today and my mom told me it was a bad thing to do. She said that all living things have a right to live. Did I do the right thing here? I mean I’m 35-years-old, I think I have a right to kill whatever I want that’s in my room, including prostitutes. -- Dennis from Little Rock, Arkansas

Dear Dennis:
Not sure about the prostitutes, but yes it’s fine to kill spiders as long as they’re in your house. It’s not cruel at that point because you’re basically just putting them out of their misery. Think about the life of a spider inside of a human’s house. They always build their little webs and then nothing ever happens. They never catch anything. Unless you’re a stinky bastard who has flies all around him there’s never going to be a scenario where a fly is going to land in that web. Even if there is a fly in the room, the odds of it landing in the web are minimal. That spider is going to end up starving to death and die a slow agonizing death. It’s far better to just perform a mercy kill on it and get rid of it before it lays eggs and it’s children can grow up to be starving in the corners of your rooms. Spider starvation is a serious problem in the spider world and part of the problem is overpopulation. These spiders should be outside in trees, but that space has been taken up by other spiders so they have to come into human homes where there’s a complete lack of food and resources for them. It’s a sad reality, but we all have to deal with it.

Ask your questions to my email address PizzaTesticles@yahoo.com

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