Dumbass Sayings: “I Came, I Saw, I Conquered”

Beware the Ides of Vagina.

Julius Caesar famously said “I came, I saw, I conquered.” I don’t know what he was talking about though, I think he got the order wrong there. Usually you’re supposed to see first, then conquer and then come at the end. Who comes right off the bat? Did she smell THAT good? And how can you have the energy to conquer anything after that? Usually I’m ready to just eat an entire rotisserie chicken and go to sleep. Apparently Julius Caesar had a problem with being premature that went unrecognized until now. Sometimes a great detective has to read between the lines. Don’t worry, Julius. It happens to us all. At least try seeing first before you come. I saw, I came, I conquered makes a little more sense. Try focusing on other things like your empire and different decisions you’re going to have to make that are weighing heavily on your mind. Think about the Ides of March or anything you can to keep yourself from finishing too fast. Be careful though, you don’t want to bum yourself out too much to the point you can’t conquer. That’s always a risk when you’re trying to add time to your record.