The Top 5 Types of “Artists” That Aren’t Really Artists

REAL artists chill like this.
The term “Artist” is something that gets thrown around very loosely these days. As art has evolved it’s become more and more difficult to discern what real art is and what is simply called “art.” The classic definition of “artist” is someone who designs, draws, paints, or sculpts at a high level of skill. Since the days of Da Vinci, humanity has come to acknowledge many other forms of art like music and dance. However once you open the definition of art to any aesthetic, things get too confusing. If an artist is anyone who does anything considered art by anyone at all then we’re basically all artists in our own way which dilutes the value of truly outstanding art. Here are the top 5 types of “artists” that should not be considered artists:

5. Trapeze artists
People who do flying trapeze work are very impressive, but I’m not sure how they got the title of “artist.” They’re basically like a combination of gymnasts and daredevils, neither of which are considered artists. No one called Evel Knieval a “Motorcycle artist” or a gymnast a “Flipping bitch artist.”

What is this? Pole dancing for daredevils?

4. Recording artists
A lot of music is very moving and artful, however art is typically something you look at. You shouldn’t be able to hear art. If you can hear art then why not be able to taste it and smell it too? That’s opening a up a huge can of worms.

Macklemore is a talented rapper, but is he really an "artist"?

3. Balloon artists
It’s amazing what some people can do with balloons these days, but balloon art is something only kids tend to appreciate and you can’t trust a child’s opinion on art.

There's a fine line between art and mental illness and this guy is on the wrong side of that line.

2. Latte artists
People who make latte art are very talented except if their art was that great no one would drink it. If someone drew the Mona Lisa in cream on a latte would you really drink that and turn it into pee? No. You’d freeze it and put it on display in an igloo art gallery. If something’s really art you’re too in awe of it to snap a pic and post it to Instagram.

Milk is my paint and coffee is the canvas!

And the number one “artists” that aren’t really “artists” are…

1. Sandwich artists
If anyone has ever made a mockery of the concept of art it’s these charlatans. You shouldn’t eat art. Art should never end up coming out of your ass. Why stop with calling Subway employees “Sandwich artists”? Why not call Burger King employees “Whopper Artists” and Dunkin Donuts employees “Turkey Sausage Artists”? That’s just as valid. Maybe I’m biased because I got a stomach virus from Subway once. The only art I saw for a week was Jackson Pollock paintings in my toilet painted with the mediums of vomit and diarrhea.

I guess stealing a handful of turkey from Subway makes me a world class art thief.

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