Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Don’t People Wear Monocles Anymore?”

Mr. Peanut is not a trendsetter.
Dear McFartnuggets: 
Is it possible to be addicted to marijuana? Anyways, monocles used to be considered high fashion in the 1790’s. Now nobody wears them anymore! The only person who really wears them anymore is the Planters Man. Why does he wear a monocle? And why is he staring at me? What’s this dude’s problem?! -- Maria from Illinois

Dear Maria:
Yes, cannabis dependency is a real condition. It’s rare and not very dangerous, but it does lead people to start asking a lot of questions about monocles and Mr. Peanut. Occasionally you’ll see a random hipster wearing a monocle so Mr. Peanut isn’t the only one wearing these things. Now normally I’d think something happened to the vision in Mr. Peanut’s right eye, but he also carries a cane and wears fancy white gloves. He clearly doesn’t need the cane since he’s always dancing and moving around spryly in commercials. When you combine that with the gloves, the black leggings, and the top hat, it’s clear this guy just gets off on looking like a douche. And as far as why he’s staring at you, I think that leads back to your cannabis addiction. Just put the can back in the pantry and ignore him.

Write questions to PizzaTesticles@yahoo.com and good luck winning a staring contest with Mr. Peanut. He’s good.

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