|Never misinterpret a wave.|
We’ve all been there. You see a stranger waving at you and your natural instinct is to wave back. It should be to think “Why the hell is this freak waving at me? I’m going to run away” but for some reason we crave that waving to another human even if we don’t even know the person. So you’re waving and as you get closer to this person you’ve never seen before you see their eyes drifting behind you. You turn your head 180 degrees like an owl and see another person smiling and waving. You turn your head back and you realize that these strangers know each other and you were an innocent victim in their waving crossfire. Everyone else around you is staring at you like you’ve got a dick for a nose and you feel like crying, shitting your pants, and hiding in cave. It doesn’t have to be that way though. There are some things you can do when this happens to you.
1. While you’re waving with one hand, put your other hand up to wave and then turn it into a dance.
If you’re fast enough to turn your false wave into a double hand wave dance and throw some hip movement in there, people around you might think you’re part of a flash mob or something. While that still is fairly embarrassing, it’s not as bad as being caught in a wave that wasn’t meant for you.
2. Keep waving and make eye contact with someone a few people behind the person you thought was waving at you.
If you keep waving and switch eye contact to someone farther back you can pull the same thing you fell for on someone else. The person you’re waving at will be all confused and hopefully someone in between that wave will think you’re waving at them. Once you see someone caught in the middle of your new wave you can run away knowing they’re the ones who look dumb now.
3. Turn your wave into the middle finger.
This is sort of inappropriate, but is often the easiest and most satisfying way to escape from false wave shame. The person you thought was waving at you probably doesn’t even see you waving since they’re focused on their real wave recipient behind you, but if you start shaking the bird in their face they’ll notice and feel hurt and insulted which should be sufficient payback.