The Top 5 WEIRDEST Ways To Save Paper

First off, stop with the origami.
The environment needs our help more than ever these days. With pollution and deforestation continuing at a breakneck speed, the situation is becoming dire. When things get dire people get desperate and when people are desperate people start acting weird. Here are the top five weirdest ways to save paper that you’ve probably never tried, but should:

5. Clean up household spills with your tongue.
We all know paper towels are a huge waste so why not just lick up spills with your tongue? Sure it’s kind of unorthodox, but remember the 5-second rule! As long as you lick the liquid up within five seconds it’s safe.

You think it's gross to clean up spills with your tongue? Have you even looked at the bottom of a tongue before?

4. Instead of writing a shopping list, tattoo the things you always need onto your skin.
Write all your lists on your flesh. When you buy the things you need like toothpaste, cereal, and apples then you can cross them off with a Sharpie. By the time the marker wears off you’ll probably need more so the list is refreshed.

If you're a particularly heavy person, writing your grocery lists on your skin instead of in notebooks will save a lot of trees.

3. When TP’ing someone’s house use terry cloth towels soaked in pig’s blood instead.
It makes just as much of a mess and is much more horrifying for Halloween.

What a waste! And think about how much more of a message blood would have sent.

2. Wipe your ass with receipts.
Let’s face it, most paper receipts you get at stores these days practically is toilet paper so why not use it like toilet paper? Two warnings: don’t use the side with the ink and don’t flush them when you’re done, they’ll clog your toilet. Aside from that it’s a perfect way to get use out of those worthless receipts and save TP while you’re at it.

Receipt paper is basically already toilet paper. It's just a little easier to get a paper cut.

And the number one weirdest way to save toilet paper is...

1. Instead of wiping your ass, use a commercial hand dryer.
This is a great way to save paper if you don’t have any receipts handy. When you’re in a public bathroom and you have to wipe your butt, just use a hand dryer (preferably one with an adjustable head). I recommend that you lock the door to the public bathroom before you start drying. If someone walks in or sees you drying your ass with a hand dryer just tell them you’re doing your part to save the environment and maybe they’ll try it out sometime.

If the nozzle isn't adjustable you may have to do a handstand.

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