No, it's
not Betty White's childhood goldfish... A Fuxhianhiid, a type of
crustacean was found off the Southwest coast of China. Now before you
start asking when it'll be appearing on the Red Lobster menu, it was
just a fossil and they don't see food THAT differently! Regardless, this
is a huge discovery for the marine biologist community and is sure to
be noted as one of the most important days ever in marine history. Just
be careful when talking about this at work tomorrow. You don't want to
say "Hey did you hear they found a fuxhianhuiid?" The person might
misunderstand what you just said, think it was an insult and next thing
you know you're getting your ass handed to you by a customer at IHOP,
getting your skull beat in with a bottle of boisenberry. "Fuxianhuiid" is a tough word. One wonders why they give it a name like that. Isn't it ironic that the oldest creatures have the most complex sounding names? You'd think it'd be the opposite and we could just call super old shit "Dahh" or something a little more befitting the way a caveman historian might refer to it. Cavemen probably didn't give a Phoberomys' ass about fuxianhuiids. It's comforting to know that the more time passes, the more interesting things become. Maybe in 500 million years aliens will be drooling over our crusty tube socks.
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