Tips For How To Control Your Dreams

If you're going to waste half your day sleeping you may as well dream about the things you want to and not weird creepy things that will haunt you the rest of your day while you're conscious wondering why that tiger/man hybrid was force feeding you a birthday cake made of blood and singing Michael Jackson's "Thriller" on the Apollo moon rover while midgets in the background were cursing you out the whole time and morphing into your grandmother. Here are a couple ways you can force your brain to dream certain things...

It has been noted that sleeping on your stomach greatly increases the likelihood of sexual dreams because of the pressure it applies to the genital region. Just make sure you have a few towels laid out on your bed before you try this. Try not to use your favorite towels either, use a greasy one you found at an abandoned mechanic's garage or better yet a ShamWow because there will be moisture.

Another tried and tested method of manipulating your dreams is through sound. The trick to this is the sounds or music have to be loud enough that you can hear them, but you still need to be able to fall asleep. What I like doing is creating a new audio file on my computer with about thirty minutes of silence before it starts. Then I click play and try to fall asleep. Playing circus music will often result in dreams about clowns or deformed sideshow characters which is always fun and exciting. Just don't make the mistake of listening to circus music while falling asleep on your stomach, unless you're really into clownfucking. You've been warned.