What Your Farts Say About You

Someone needs to cut down on the fiber!

When you fart in public you may be revealing a bit more about yourself than you realize. If you are what you eat, and what you eat ends up affecting how you fart, then every time you fart you're telling people who you are. This is often why when you fart in a crowded elevator people can usually tell who it is. If it smells really wretched then it's probably the guy wearing the "Bacon makes everything better" t-shirt. Most of the time an individual fart means nothing, but when you look at someone's farts as a collective whole you can notice certain patterns that reveal a person's true personality.

Silent, but deadly - If this describes most of your farts then you're a caring person, but you're also willing to lie or withhold information if it suits your best interests. You care about what other people think to a certain degree, but you also lack the discipline to just hold in your farts entirely.

Giant earthshaking buttquakers - If you tend to fart full blast, all coal in the steam engines Titanic style then it means you're generally a charismatic person who is willing to hurt others to be successful. You're very upfront with people about what you want in life and you enjoy indulging in life's pleasures.

Shart - If you're sharting a lot usually this means you have problems handling responsibilities. You find things to be overwhelming and you are willing to let a lot of things slip when you choose to give up control of your life. You need more security in your affairs to feel confident.

Loose sounding farts - You probably have too much anal sex and it's negatively affecting the diameter of your caboose tunnel.

Farts can really tell a lot about a person if you're willing to take a whiff and make notes. As it turns out, our personalities are only buttdeep.