Stop Naming Every Rescued Dog "Lucky" Already!

Suckin' dem Tiddies
If I hear another local news story about "A pooch who, thanks to one good Samaritan, is getting a new leash on life" I'm gonna pop a vein in my anus. It's not the dog being rescued I'm upset about, it's how they always announce that they're going to name the dog "Lucky" like that's never been done before let alone eighteen times in other towns across America that same day.

They always name the dog Lucky! Can they try to be a little creative? Name it "Fortunato" or something. Look in a thesaurus for god's sake. Trust me, you'll be doing the dog yet another favor. I bet when the dog finds out people are going to start calling him "Lucky" he's thinking "First of all my name is Nathaniel. Second, you people are complete hacks! I know eight other Lucky's and they have all ravenous tapeworms!"

By naming the dog "Lucky" you're basically diminishing the rest of the dog's life by defining him or her by the moment they were saved. Let the dog be its own dog. Yeah sometimes shit happens and we get stuck in a chimney or something, but do we want to be reminded of that every single day of our lives? That would be inhumane. And not only that, but by giving a dog the name "Lucky" you're basically setting it up for a big fall. There's a reason we don't name humans "Lucky", it'd be considered an insane act of hubris and a jinx. So if it's not good enough for a human baby, why should it be good enough for a dog? Trust me, it's not worth the irony of the snarky comments from people when Lucky is hit by an ice cream truck next Summer.

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