How to Improve the Smell of Your Poop

Believe it or not, there are some things you can do to make your poop smell better. Of course it's always going to smell relatively bad, that's the whole point of feces. You can't ask feces not to stink, that's like asking an angel not to fly.

One thing I like to do is eat a lot of flowers. Eat very pungent, aromatic flowers that have a nice strong floral scent like roses and crushed lilac. If I can't get my hands on any fresh flowers sometimes I'll opt for potpourri. You have to be careful with potpourri though, make sure you know what's in it. You never know when some whacked out hippie has put bath salts in there intending it to be smoked. Sure it won't mask the crap smell entirely, but it will lighten the stench a bit. If you're used to having tears streaming down your face then perhaps nothing can help you aside from eating less red meat, but I've found flowers help for me. Plus, it's great fiber and you can even leave your poop in the toilet like a little floral arrangement to enhance the ambiance in the bathroom.

Now this next one I haven't fully tested out, but try eating a lot of pineapple. Scientists say pineapple makes your bodily fluids taste better whether it's semen or vagina sauce so maybe it makes butt sweat smell better. If it does in fact have a positive impact on buttsweat and poop mucus then that's going to make a noticeable difference for the overall turd package. Of course the biggest thing to remember here is that pineapple improves the flavors of things so this may not work. I have no doubts that it would make your poop TASTE better, but the smell is a wildcard in this equation.

The last thing is, I saw this episode of "My Strange Addiction" where a woman eats roll on deodorant. It's very unhealthy for you, but if she was able to survive for years then it should be reasonably safe. Then again there's the chance she was only pretending to be hooked on it to get on the show which I have a sinking feeling is what's happening. Who the hell eats deodorant? And why are all the women who eat weird stuff overweight Black women? It can't be a coincidence. Anyway, what I do know is that her poop must have smelled terrific. So please have a big bowl of pineapple, potpourri, and Lady Speed Stick and write back with what's happened, assuming you're still alive.