What NOT to Wear to a Wedding

If you've read my article on what not to wear to a funeral you'll be relieved to know that weddings are slightly different than funerals in that, it's a much more relaxed atmosphere. No one's memory will be tarnished by what you wear to a wedding, though your new wife's memories of their day might be affected negatively. The trick is to try and not wear anything that will overshadow the bride. It's the bride's day first and foremost so to wear something crazy that will take the focus off her and put it onto you is a bad idea. Therefore you should NOT wear:

5). A harlequin or albino ghost costume (as pictured here).

4). A horse costume without another person.

3). A nicer wedding dress than your bride.

2). An airbrushed bikini on your otherwise nude body.

1). A Lance Armstrong yellow U.S. Postal Service body condom cyclist outfit with aerodynamic helmet.

Any of these outfits would be a mistake to wear unless your bride and her family have a really good sense of humor. They might reconsider the whole idea of your marrying her and pull the plug right then and there if they're tightasses about decor and "respect." It's really difficult these days to take any wedding vows made by a man dressed like Lance Armstrong seriously. It's pretty much making a complete mockery of the process.