The REAL "Insanity" Workout

Dave lost 35 lbs on the REAL Insanity workout!

Maybe you've seen ads for or heard about the "Insanity" workout. I was interested in this until I saw what it entailed and it's all very straightforward, generic exercising techniques, there's nothing truly insane about it. That's why I've created my own REAL Insanity workout and here are some of the exercises that are involved:

1). First you're gonna want to start off with just delicately slapping yourself in the face, alternating with each hand, left hand slap, right hand slap, left hand slap, right hand slap. Continue doing this for ten minutes, increasing in intensity until you're really slapping yourself sternly in the cheeks with your hands. If it's stinging then that means it's working.

2.) Okay you should be feeling the burn from that. The next thing you're going to do is begin tearing clumps of hair out of your scalp. It's important to scream really loud while doing this too. Screaming benefits you in two ways, it helps kill the pain a little, and it also works the core and stimulates circulation into the lungs which is great for your cardiovascular health. Do this for five sets of ten reps. If you run out of hair go for hair on other parts of your body preferably the crotch region.

3). The third exercise is to take a crap into your own hands and start smearing it all over the walls in your home. You want to make sure you're smearing it to cover as much area as possible and smearing fast to really get your heart rate up good and fast. Make sure you're using a nice wide range of motion to stretch the muscles while you're working them out. When your walls are decently covered up move to the next step.

4). Now you want to go out onto the streets and basically engage the first person in a wrestling match. Try to get them to the ground and make sure to laugh maniacally the entire time and don't wash your hands off from the last exercise. When the police come, also try to wrestle them while screaming "I am the Dalai Lama and I demand the respect of God!"

Now that was just a sample of the full REAL Insanity workout, but that should give you an idea of how well the program works. Not only is it a full body workout that will help you shed the pounds and inches in mere days, but it truly lives up to the name "Insanity". If you'd like to learn more please contact me on my business email at PizzaTesticles@yahoo.com. Have fun exercising and remember, a fit body doesn't always mean a fit mind!