"Small
Business Saturday" is an up and coming new fake holiday that helps
promote small businesses to help take away revenue from the big oligarchical chains and help keep tiny businesses afloat in an unpromising
economy. Here are a few things you can do to promote Small Business
Saturday.
1). Buy doomsday survival supplies at your local mom
and pop hardware and grocery stores. If the end is coming at least you
can rest easy knowing that you helped out a small business instead of
the ravenous big corporations that may one day be responsible for the
actual zombie apocalypse by way of their weird processed food additives
and shoddy quality checking processes.
2). Pay a hobo to
entertain you. Instead of spending 500 dollars on a Lady Gaga concert,
why not go out with a fraction of the money and look for a homeless
person to put on a show for you? There are literally thousands of very
lovely, talented hobos out there who are in dire need of money and many
are great performers. If you're drunk enough you might not even be able
to tell the difference between them and Lady Gaga anyway, odds are
they'll be dressed similarly. So instead of lining the pockets of
established stars, why not take a night off from that and make a
difference in a real person's life instead?
3). Call up a midget
phone sex hotline. Yes this counts as a small business since it is run
by small people. Plus, phone sex lines are running out of business fast
considering how popular the internet pornography has gotten with young
people these days. You don't even need to be into midgets because the
great thing is sometimes they sound just like normal heighted people,
but if midgets are your thing then BONUS! Don't just call up normal
phone sex hotlines and ask the woman to pretend she's a dwarf, that's
awkward and strange for everyone.
Just imagine what kind of world
we would be living in if everyone did these three simple things every
Small Business Saturday. And the great thing is you don't have to wait
for a Small Business Saturday to do them either, I know I don't! Now if
you'll excuse me, I need to make a phone call.
2.22.2013
Ways To Help Out on "Small Business Saturday"
Subscribe to:
Post Comments
(
Atom
)
No comments :
Post a Comment