Ask McFartnuggets: "My Grandmother Still Menstruates... Is This Normal?"

Howdy folks! I've been receiving a lot of questions dealing with people's personal lives lately. For some reason people think I'm some sort of social and feminine health expert. I'm not, but I'll try my best to answer these queries for everyone because I think they're interesting topics for discussion.

Dear Mr. Farts: I was at my grammy's house staying for the weekend and in her garbage I saw a bloody tampon. What the hell?! Is this normal?! She's in her 70's! Why isn't her vagina dead already! -- Scared By Nana's Bloody Pons in Oklahoma

Dear Scared by Tampons in OKLA: First off, the name is McFartnuggets. Get it right or don't bother talkin to me about your grandmother's tampons! It's okay, I'm willing to allow it this one time. Your problem is you're too damn nosey. Who told you to stick your face in your grandmother's trash can? We all know the contents of bathroom garbage is practically biohazardous waste so for your own good you should just stay at least three meters away from it at all times. Second, how can you even be sure it was your nana's "pon" as you so eloquently put it? Maybe it was one of her neighbors or close friends who left it there. Third, on the off chance your grandma's vagina is still alive then you should be proud of her. Sure it's gross and disturbing, but that's nothing you need to be concerned with. It means she's a healthy, virile individual and should be alive for many more years to come. Doesn't that make you feel better? Try focusing on the positives and less on the disgusting negatives. Thanks for the email!

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