Foolproof Ways To Cure Insomnia
5).Try to watch a full NASCAR race.
I know NASCAR isn't always on so you might have to buy a tape, but it's worth it. Watching cars drive around in circles for hours can be really tiring. I would suggest skipping past pit stops and fiery explosions because those are actually pretty interesting to watch.
4). Go to your child's school play or musical.
Nothing is more boring and snoozeworthy than an amateur hour performance put on by a bunch of preening adolescents. You'll be considered a bad parent, but on the bright side you'll wake up with a renewed vigor that you can use to take the bastard for ice cream or something.
3). Force yourself to read a book.
If you trick yourself into thinking you only have a choice between reading a book and sleeping, most people will fall asleep immediately. Pretend you have a big test to study for or something. When was the last time you ever heard of an insomniac reading an entire library full of books and still being unable to fall asleep? And worst case scenario is you read a bunch of books and learn stuff. For the full effect, read books about how to cure insomnia.
2). Eat a lot of turkey.
We all know the famous Thanksgiving myth about turkey making you sleepy. Well why does it have to only work on Thanksgiving? Could it be because people are lying about turkey? If you have severe insomnia, it's worth a try! Get two or three full sized Butterballs and roast them up like you would for a homeless shelter if you were a good person, then eat them all yourself. The sheer amount of meat and grease should work to some effect.
This is a drug technically, but it's probably a lot safer than most sleeping pills since it will put you in a straight up coma. No one ever reports blacking out and frying up bacon or waking up behind the wheel of their car on the freeway like on Ambien. When you take NyQuil you are basically dead and you aren't going anywhere! Just make sure you don't have any place to be before you start otherwise your life could start falling apart pretty fast.