The Top 3 Alternatives To Using A Bidet
3). Doing handstands in the shower. - This was the main method most people used before the bidet was invented. Some say the many slipping concussions and deaths were the actual reason the bidet was invented to begin with. If you are going to do this, please put down those sticky flower pads in your bathtub first and also try to have someone there to spot you in the very likely event you fall. Remember, this is your life we're talking about. You don't want to die for a fresh ass. It's a luxury, not a right.
2). Washing your ass in a sink. - This is certainly a lot safer than doing the handstands in the shower, but a little less sanitary. This is a method you may want to reserve only for hotels or other people's homes.
1). Garden hose. - Garden hose water might taste weird because of all the organic matter and different metals that are in it, but pound for pound, you can't beat the water pressure a garden hose will give you. It's really the best bang for your buck. Just beware that you may end up with a tapeworm or nematode up your butt. Hey, no one ever said life was perfect.