Ask McFartnuggets: "Is My Son Santa Claustrophobic?" and "Why is My Urine So Bubbly?"

Dear McFartnuggets: My 5-year-old son is very afraid to sit on Santa's lap and I don't know how to get him to stay long enough for a photo! What should I do? Is this normal for kids? -- Remington in Louisiana

Dear Remington: I don't think there's anything wrong with being afraid of an overweight, old bearded man who dresses in a suit colored like blood. That's a normal instinct. Plus, it's March. Your child is right to be afraid to sit on his lap because Santa's supposed to be hibernating at the North Pole right now. Your son is probably smart enough to realize it's just a weirdo dressed like Santa out of season. What are you doing letting your kid around someone like that to begin with? If you're going to encourage your kid to sit on a strange man's lap at least limit it to December otherwise you're setting a dangerous precedent for that child that could negatively affect their entire life. Thanks for the question.

Dear Dr. McFartnuggets: The last few times when I've gone to pee it's looked like champagne or some other type of sparkling white zinfandel of some sort. Am I in trouble? -- Janice from Long Island

Dear Janice: You probably aren't in trouble. Frothy urine can be a sign of alarm for many people, but it's usually just a result of ingesting too much protein or using too much PSI for your pee jet. I would suggest lightening your protein consumption a little, try alternatives to "ingesting too many loads of protein" for a few days and see what happens. If the champagne bubbles are still fizzling then it may be a urinary tract infection or a sign of more severe kidney problems. If you've tried lightening your protein load, peeing slower, and drinking a lot of cranberry juice and the urine still looks like there's Pop Rocks in it then it could be time to seek out another doctor to get a second opinion. I'm sure everything will be fine though, don't worry too much. Piss bubbles are a way of life.

If your toilet looks like a baking soda volcano after you've peed in it, call a doctor immediately.

If you've got any more Santa or urine related questions please send them to PizzaTesticles@yahoo.com.

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