Ask McFartnuggets: "Who's Creepier: Clowns or Mimes?" and "Is it Rude to Laugh at Midgets?"

Dear McFartnuggets: In your opinion, which group is more creepy, clowns or mimes? Thanks for answering! -- Benjamin in San Jose

Dear Benjamin: Your question is something that has been argued over for centuries by men and women much wiser than I, but it's actually a flawed question because mimes ARE clowns. So the answer has to be clowns by default, but if I were to genuinely participate in this conundrum pitting the mime-type classification subgroup of clowns versus the traditional circus clown subtype I would say the circus clown. The reason is they're dressed in so many colors, you really never have any way of telling if there's blood in their hair or if they even used human blood as lipstick for their makeup. Plus, circus clowns are generally more aggressive and dominant than your classic mime. Anytime someone can't speak they ultimately assume a subservient role in society. That's why it's so important to give a voice to the voiceless out there. Mimes deserve more pity than fear.

Dear McFartnuggets: I saw a midget walking a tiny tea cup chihuahua the other day and totally lost my shit right there on the sidewalk and laughed heartily for several minutes. Everyone was staring at me and one woman actually asked me if I needed to go to the hospital. I feel like I did something wrong by laughing at the midget. Was I rude? -- Laughin' in Georgia

Dear Laughin': First of all it's not "midget" it's "Height reduced individuals"... And while I wasn't there, it sounds like you were being extremely rude. Here's a down-to-earth individual who's just trying to walk their tiny dog and you laugh in their face? What's the matter with you? Having said that, laughing at m-words isn't ALWAYS bad. For instance if they're trying to be funny then I would suggest you laugh. You don't want an m-word to be trying to get a laugh and just stand there staring stonefaced at them. That probably hurts more than being laughed at for walking your baby dog.

I don't see what's so funny about this. It's just an m-word in a suit sitting oddly next to a horse. BIG DEAL!
If you have any questions about Clowns or M-words or anything else, please don't hesitate to send them to PizzaTesticles@yahoo.com

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