How Many Clowns is Too Many to Hire For a Birthday Party?

The key to a great birthday party is clowns, regardless of the age of the people attending or their extreme phobia of clowns. Clowns always make it an exciting night that no one will ever forget no matter how many therapy sessions they attend. When planning a party the question should not be "Should we get a clown?" it should be "HOW MANY CLOWNS?!" You'd think that the more clowns present the better, but there is a very important clown threshold that needs to be respected. Clowns are like deadly chemicals, they can ruin your life if there's improper exposure or they're mixed wrong.

I've found that it's best never to hire more than 10 clowns of any kind. If you hire more than ten you run the risk of them talking together in a group and discussing their wages for the party. If they find out you shortchanged the midget or the woman clown then things could get ugly in a hurry. Before you know it you've got a bunch of angry clowns with their cases full of torture devices running amok and they outnumber the party guests. That's a very real nightmare situation. What's worse is that when you call 9-1-1 about it the operator usually thinks you're joking, then you turn around and a clown's laughing behind you before he smashes you in the head with a bowling pin.

The other negative to hiring more than ten clowns is if they feel brazen enough and are allowed alcohol they can actually stop taking orders from you and start having a giant clown orgy. The worst thing about the clown orgy scenario is it's clowns only. You can try to pry your way in there and get some clown ass, but odds are one of them is going to pull you to the side and let you know that it's "Nothing personal, but we clowns stick together and only bang our own kind". Not exactly the thing you want to hear on your 32nd birthday. But whatever, you live, you make mistakes, and you learn from them. Time to move on.