Ask McFartnuggets: "Japanese People Doing Harlem Shake?" and "Tips on Surviving in Prison"

Dear McFartnuggets: Are you surprised there haven't been that many videos of people doing the Harlem Shake in Japan yet? I think that would be awesome. Who do you want to see in a Harlem Shake video? -- Edwin from Toronto

Dear Edwin: Yeah, I guess a Japanese Harlem shake would be pretty cool, but I think they're still a little touchy about the whole earthquake thing so I doubt it'll take off big in that country. Don't expect it to pop up in Haiti or Indonesia either. You can't really joke about shaking in a place that gets quakes so frequently. A lot of people want to see Michael J. Fox participate in a Harlem Shake, but personally I think that's messed up. If I got to direct my own Harlem Shake video I would use all obese people because then you get double the amount of shaking. I also thought it would be cool to use midgets dressed like leprechauns and have them dancing in a McDonald's and call it the "Shamrock Shake". Thanks for the question.

Dear McFartnuggets: You've mentioned you've been in prison before, I think I might be going there soon for a few years. Any tips on how to survive? -- Deanna in Newark

Dear Deanna: I'm assuming you're a woman so I'm not sure if my tips will work for you. Female penitentiary is a little different than male prison from what I've seen. A lot of people tell you to either beat up or orally pleasure the biggest convict in the yard, but that's stupid. There's a huge gang culture in lockup and you don't want to make any rash moves and piss off the wrong people before you even know what's going on. My tip would be to just gravitate toward people of your own ethnic group and take your time to figure out who everyone is, who the big shots are, who the gang generals are, and how their code of conduct works. Depending on how long your sentence is you'll have plenty of time to figure things out so don't feel the need to rush even though your heart will be pounding and you'll want to be running around screaming. Just maintain your cool and you'll be okay. Also stay away from anyone who has access to broomsticks.

They call it "Supermax" but there's nothing SUPER about living there.
 I don't really like answering questions about my past, but if you have more questions about the Harlem Shake please send them to PizzaTesticles@yahoo.com.

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