Ask McFartnuggets: "Is Jodi Arias Single?" and "Why Do Nails Fly Off When I Clip Them?"

Whoops, wrong murderer.

Dear McFartnuggets: Do you think that Jodi Arias chick is single? She's pretty cute. I wouldn't mind being photographed naked in the shower by her, if you know what I mean! -- Nelson from Miami

Dear Nelson: I'm pretty sure she's single at the moment. There's this whole nationally televised murder trial thing going on which could complicate any relationships. I'm not arguing that she's a catch, but the trial isn't looking good. There's even talk of her receiving the death penalty. If you want to make your move you better work fast.


Dear McFartnuggets: At my uncle's funeral the other day I was wondering, how come when you clip your toe nails or finger nails they always fly off in weird directions? What is up with that? -- Becky from Indiana

Dear Becky: You were thinking about this at your uncle's FUNERAL? That's screwed up! I think your nails fly off in different directions just to get away from your creepy ass! How about being a real man and walking up to the casket and paying your respects to your dear uncle instead of lounging around pondering the physics of human nail aerodynamic trajectories? Be a man, Becky! For once in your life, be a man! Oh and I believe they sell nail clippers with built-in screens to prevent toe nails from flying into your eyes. Had that happen to me once at a funeral, IT SUCKED. Thanks for the question.

And now I will play Beethoven's 9th symphony...

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