Ask McFartnuggets: "Where Do Farts Go?" and "How Should I Quit My Job?"

Dear McFartnuggets: How come no matter how stinky I make a fart it always disappears? It will smell like Hell for a few seconds then it just goes away? -- Marlon from Madison, WI

Dear Marlon: In order for something to "disappear" you would first need to be able to see it. I sincerely hope your farts aren't visible, that would be medical first. To answer your question, ghosts eat them. Not many people know this, but ghosts eat farts to survive. So when you fart ghosts come flying over like Great White Sharks to a wounded seal. The ghosts gobble up the farts and convert them to oxygen kind of like how trees convert carbon dioxide to oxygen. That's why you can't smell them after awhile.

Dear McFartnuggets: Two weeks ago I gave my two week notice and my last day is tomorrow. I really hate this job and have wanted to stick it to everyone there for years now. What are some good ways to quit? -- Shem from Winterdick, Indiana

Dear Shem: Fortunately, you did the two week notice so now you're free to leave however you want. You were good enough to give them the extra time to find a replacement so now you can do something crazy that they'll never forget. What I would suggest doing is go into work on your last day wearing an American flag thong with a big stereo playing the Hulk Hogan theme song and go around clotheslining everyone in sight. It's okay because you gave your 2 week notice. If you didn't then something like that would be considered illegal, but if you've given them the warning and they let it happen then that's on them. Or there's always the classic move of taking a shit on your boss' desk and making out with the oldest person there. Whichever method of quitting you choose you'll be a winner. In fact, I'm surprised Pope Benedict didn't do these. That would have really got people talking.

Just don't quit like a postal worker.
Email Q's to PizzaTesticles@yahoo.com

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