Ask McFartnuggets: "Why is the R-Word Offensive to People?" and "Is James Holmes The Worst Ginger Ever?"

I just want to take this time to thank all the people who have been sending in questions. The response has been overwhelming and I really appreciate and enjoy answering all your interesting queries!


Dear McFartnuggets: I got in trouble for calling a kid a "retard" at school today during Spanish class. I don't get why it's such a bad word. I mean if you're really mentally handicapped you don't even know what I'm saying or what the word even means. The only people who get offended are the parents and families, but they're only being offended because they must be identifying their own kids as "retards". Why do they automatically make that connection between that word and their kids and think that it's an insult to them just to say the word even when it's just directed toward someone who isn't really retarded? -- Stevie Turdbricks from Tallahasee, FL

Dear "Stevie Turdbricks": If you're not the parent or guardian of a child with a mental disability then you just don't understand what it means to have someone use that word. It might not have any meaning to you, but that doesn't mean it won't have a meaning to someone else and if you know it's going to hurt people even if it's not the people you intend to hurt then you should just stop using the word. There are so many other words out there to use to describe people besides the R-word, why don't you try being creative and make something else up. Call your friends "Poopie brains" or something. No one gets offended by that. You could probably call a mentally handicapped person "Poopie brains" and no one would get offended because it's just so kind sounding. It's not stern and condemning like "retard", there's a lighter more childish tone there that might be easier for people to deal with. Try it out and let me know how it goes.


Dear McFartnuggets: After what James Holmes did at the movie theater in Aurora, Colorado, does that make him officially the Worst Ginger Ever? -- Wendy in Lancaster, PA

Dear Wendy: James Holmes was not a real ginger, he dyed his hair on purpose in an attempt to set the ginger civil rights movement in this country back. Ignorant questions like this are part of the problem. Learn your facts before you start grouping in James Holmes with genuine red heads. People like to claim that gingers have no soul, but how many mass killers have had real red hair? Like none? Figure that one out!

Some people are giving ginger a bad name.

Please submit questions to PizzaTesticles@yahoo.com and have a great sex.